this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
