She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
