Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
