plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
