He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize