Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
