Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
