i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
