He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
