i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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