You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
