Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
