I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
