the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I love you.
Bad choice
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
