I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize