Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
