I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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