I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
