In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize