Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
