i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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