Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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