And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
