well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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