Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize