i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
