I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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