Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
BRING THE BAGELS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
