I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
