please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
