I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
