just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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