i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
