no, he came in my armpit
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
