i just wanna soil my oats bro
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
