doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
