dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
