oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think your dad took our porno
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
