the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize