Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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