As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
