and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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