There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
pray to the hookup gods
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize