Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
