I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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