I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
