Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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