I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
