gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
