I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
