i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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