I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
