I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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