whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
