I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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