It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize