Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
