You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
