Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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