just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
