I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
