never play flip cup with pint glasses
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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