I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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