We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
