I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
