Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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