it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
