just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
