i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
